Thursday, October 16, 2014

Dayna's Guide to Infectious Disease: How to Prevent Ebola (and maybe the flu)

In my profession, I work with an array of horribly disturbing diseases on a daily basis such as AIDs, Syphilis, and Tuberculosis. More times than not, we don't even know what diseases are being carried in the bodily fluids we receive which includes blood, urine, spinal fluid etc. If your body can make it, we can analyze it! That being said, working in a hospital, we can assume everyone, for the most part, is sick.  So, with all of that against me, I can proudly say that I do not have AIDs, Syphilis or Tuberculosis, and I don't even wear a hazmat suit! The super magical seceret to my disease-free state!? 

I wash my fucking hands.

But, here are some other things that can also help you get through the impending pandemic.

#1.  Vaccinations and Flu Shots

They will not give you or your kids autism. No, really. They won't. Don't believe me? You're a fucking idiot. 
Educate yourself:

Diseases kill people. Vaccines don't. If your un-vaccinated kid dies of the measles it is 100% your fault. Way to go, star parent award. Oh wait, your not a parent anymore because you killed your kids.

#2 Cover Your Dirty Mouth

If you need to cough or sneeze, please do it responsibly. Use your shoulder or elbow and you might get some friends. Sneezing into your hand is about as bad as rubbing your dirty Kleenex in someone's hand. Just stop.

#3 Soap

Important notice: hand sanitizer is not the same as soap. Hand sanitizer which "germ-o-phobes" rely on to function in public actually doesn't really help you from the bugs you really want to kill. It is very good at killing bacteria which can make you sick (yay) but it isn't very effective at getting rid of viruses which make you really sick (boo). Norovirus, the nasty stomach virus famous on cruise ships, is not affected by hand sanitizer. Just FYI, Norovirus is passed by fecal-oral transmission... You get it by eating someone's poo (mmmm). Likewise, Enterovirus D68, the respiratory virus proving deadly to children is also not affected by hand sanitizer. 


Soap is like magic. It works are removing bacteria, viruses and poop from your hands. What's the down side to soap? People don't know how to use it, or are just too damn lazy to save their own lives. Soap works only with physical scrubbing which means you have to move your hands around a little and actually scrub. I know it's asking a lot, but think of it this way... Scrub or die. Soap or Ebola. I know hand sanitizer has the whole 'it burns so you know it working' thing, and it's faster, but I prefer to wash the poop right off rather than just spreading it around.

Good luck out there, and when in doubt, just assume everyone has ebola and you might get out alive.