Sunday, May 18, 2014

It's a crusty life.

I have allergies. Hello, my name is Dayna and I have allergies. Whew it feels good to say that out loud. Not *sniffle sniffle* allergies but ACHOO ACHOOOOOOO HOOONK HOONK SNORRRT COUGH ahem.. Allergies.  I am crusty all the time. My head is constantly oozing god knows what. I have most definitely destroyed some small Amazonian village due to deforestation to support my constant Kleenex needs.  I also have an unhealthy addiction to eye drops. My eyes typically feel like they are made of chunks of rock candy that have been dropped in sand. Sharp angles and grit.

Eye drops make my life possible. They just feel like they just went through a car wash, one of those cool touch-less ones that just blast all the shit off your car.. Or your eyeballs. Because of my love of eye drops, my mother misinterpreted this as a sign of  chronic drug use in my teenage years.

Mother: Can I ask you something?

Me: Um.. Ok. (Nothing good ever comes from that starting statement)

Mother: Are you doing drugs?

Wham! Just like that! No small talk, no precursor. I'm sure at that moment with eye drops running down my face I looked very guilty, which for the record I was not.

Me: Like, Benadryl drugs?

Mother: No, like illegal drugs.

Me: Ooooh. Ummmmmm.... No.

Mother: You just use a lot of eye drops, and I read in my magazine that can be a warning sign of drug use.

Me: Really mom? Is that the only warning sign that applies to me?

Mother: Yes

Me: My eyes just feel like sandy rock candy.

Mother: Are you sure you're not doing drugs?

Me: Just Benadryl mom.

I'm  not sure she believed me. I probably wouldn't believe me! But in all reality, I really just used them to make my eyeballs feel less horrible.

The thing about allergies is,  they don't go away. Colds you can sleep and drink orange juice and take a bunch of drugs and lay around looking like death for a few days until it passes. Allergies don't pass!  You can lay around looking like death all you want, it's never going to get better. The only drugs available put you in small comas and when you wake up,you're  even more crusty. And orange juice? Doesn't do shit!  Moral of the story:  If you don't have allergies, you're one lucky bastard. 

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